Do you remember that feeling of being a kid and having the time of your life during a playdate, but then all of a sudden, you're told it's time to go home? That crushing sadness. That's exactly what I felt when being told my time studying abroad was being cut short due to the COVID-19 outbreak. It was late February when I first heard about the virus. I was happily traveling through Europe with my sister, who was visiting me from California, enjoying the Scottish Highlands and Polish cuisine. Then, on the morning of March 13th, I received an email. My program, and time in Europe, was being cut short and we were being sent home. It was the closest thing to actual heartbreak I've ever felt.
Let me give you some background. My name is Diana Vazquez, I'm a fifth year here at SSU, and from August 2019 to March 2020 I was studying abroad in Germany with CSU International Programs. My program was the Language and Culture program at Tübingen University in Germany. I had been dreaming about studying abroad ever since I first heard about it in high school, and I had been set on going to Germany since my first Study Away Information Session as a freshman at SSU. I even declared a German minor after realizing that a year abroad allows me to complete said minor. So, all throughout my junior year, I worked on my application, researched the country, studied the language, saved money, and kept my fingers crossed that I'd be in Germany for my fourth year. And lo' and behold, in March I found out I had been accepted! Fast forward to August and I was leaving SFO on my first transatlantic red-eye flight.
While I might not have experienced any intense moments of culture shock while abroad, the shock of being sent home so abruptly was a worse shock than any other. I had to leave the life I had started to build in Germany, and I was only given five days to do so. In those five days, I had to make my way back to Tübingen (southwest of Germany) from Berlin (northeast of Germany), pack up all of my belongings, cancel any accounts I had opened in Germany, find a flight to go home, and say bye to all my friends. It was a doozy. I couldn't enjoy the last few days of traveling I had left. And even though I understood my sister's insistence on having me take as many photos around Tübingen as possible, I couldn't muster up any smiles. As corny as it sounds, I felt almost numb.
I spent the day before our flight walking around Tübingen and trying to take in as much as I could. I showed my sister all the buildings I had classes in, where I had lunch with my friends, the Old Town, river, and even the house I found on past walks that I wished was mine. To close off a day of memories we walked up to the city's castle, which I had visited on my first ever day in Germany. Being up there allowed us to look out towards the city and its surrounding hills. I was able to spot all the locations I had shown my sister. I even pointed out the streets that took part in the Christmas market, which is fairly tricky considering all the roofs look the same. It was up there, where I could see all of the city I had become so comfortable with, that I let myself really acknowledge that I had to go home. After making sure that no one was near me and my sister was occupied taking photos I let myself finally start crying.
I hated what was happening. Having to leave so early and abruptly. Of course, I knew I would have to leave at some point once the program ended, but that was supposed to be in July! I thought I would have more time. To travel, learn, and say goodbye to everything. Not to mention that I assumed I'd be able to visit my newfound friends once I got back home. Well that sure didn't happen. Though I wasn't thinking about the virus at the time. No, I was too preoccupied with all the missed opportunities I would have. I wouldn't be able to see Tübingen in the Spring, when the flowers bloomed, and the punting boats began to go down the river again. I had to leave without ever visiting Italy, Spain, Portugal, and Greece. My friend and I wouldn't be able to have our trip to France, and I wouldn't be able to have my solo Vienna/rock concert trip. So many missed opportunities. That's all I kept thinking about. Not to mention how much I regretted not doing more while there. Why didn't I go to Oktoberfest in Munich? Why did I stay in my room so much? Why did I never do the nearby hike to Bebenhausen? Why didn't I talk to more German people? So many regrets.
I let my anger cloud my emotions, forever tainting my last day in Tübingen as a weepy, grouchy memory. Look at me, I sound like an Old Republic Jedi Master. I'm human alright?! We can't all be calm and collected droids. I'm sure I wasn't the only person with these emotions when this was happening, but I might've been the only person who would pace their backyard angrily muttering in German the weeks following (at least on my street I was). It took me a while to start to calm down and accepted that no one could have predicted what happened. I was grateful for all the CSU IP teams in Long Beach and Germany did to ensure we got home safely. And along the way I decided that I wouldn't let this experience go to waste. I would go back to Germany one day, and I'd make sure to learn from all my mistakes and take advantage of all the opportunities that came my way. No more being shy and scared of traveling on my own or trying to become friends with locals. Plus, now I would have time to perfect all the new language rules and modern lingo I'd learned while studying German while abroad. I wanted to be ready for when I finally get to go back. And who knows, maybe that could be next year. I mean I am reapplying to CSU IP. See you soon, Germany.